Divorce and separation are challenging enough without the added pressure of living under the same roof. Whether you have children or not, keeping things civil and communicative can significantly improve your day-to-day life and the overall outcome of your separation. After all, no one wants to live in a war zone. Your goal should be to create a positive environment that helps you both negotiate effectively and reach a fair separation agreement. Here’s how to do just that:

Use mediation for tough conversations and maintain the status quo to prevent power struggles and keep peace at home.

It’s natural to want to discuss issues related to your separation outside of scheduled mediation sessions, but it’s often best to keep these conversations within the structured environment of mediation. Mediation sessions provide a safe space where both parties can express their views with the support of a neutral third party. If an urgent issue arises, mutually agree to discuss it calmly and remember that sticking to the plan can lead to better outcomes.

Also, as tempting as it might be to make big changes to prove a point, avoid shaking things up too much without mutual agreement. Whether it’s about finances, household duties, or living arrangements, keeping things stable prevents misunderstandings and keeps conflict at bay. If changes are necessary, bring them up in mediation so both parties can feel heard and involved in the decision-making process.

Make respectful communication a priority and give each other space to breathe - this will help you avoid pointless arguments and keep the peace in your home.

‍Respectful communication isn’t just about being polite; it’s about not sabotaging each other with snide comments, passive-aggressive texts, or social media shade. Respect extends to each other's families as well. Positive and respectful communication is your best bet for avoiding unnecessary tension and making living together more manageable—even if you’re counting down the days.

‍Just because you’re under the same roof doesn’t mean you need to be in each other’s business 24/7. Give each other space. Refrain from interrogating your partner about their personal life or monitoring their activities. This isn't high school. Letting each other lead separate lives is crucial to maintaining peace and sanity during this time.

Kids are not your messengers, therapists, or referees. Don't drag them into adult discussions -to protect their emotional well-being and sense of security.

‍When kids are involved, this one’s a biggie. Family judges and child psychologists are unanimous: children should be shielded from the nitty-gritty of divorce. "Children are harmed by exposure to conflict between their parents. This is one of the most consistent findings in the research on post-separation parenting. High conflict between parents increases children’s anxiety and negatively impacts healthy child development." Parenting Plan Guide prepared by Ontario Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC-Ontario).

Discussions about the divorce, legal proceedings, or any conflict should be off-limits around kids. Protect them from unnecessary stress and anxiety. Keep adult issues strictly among adults, and reassure your children that both parents love them.

‍This isn’t just good advice; it’s a non-negotiable. Children shouldn’t be asked to take sides, offer opinions, or act as go-betweens. Let them be kids. Keeping them out of adult conversations helps maintain their stability and sense of security.

Think before you post! Use social media thoughtfully, to protect your privacy and maintain professionalism during separation.

‍Social media can be a minefield during separation. Think before you post. Avoid venting publicly about your partner or using platforms to send indirect messages. It’s about respect and privacy. Each of you has the right to manage your social media presence as you see fit - without interference or snarky comments from the other. Consider this your agreement to keep it classy online.

Bottom line - it’s about minimizing conflict, protecting children from unnecessary stress, and ensuring that separation discussions remain respectful and constructive. By committing to mutual respect and effective communication, you can work toward a separation agreement that benefits everyone involved.

Remember, keeping things amicable isn’t just the high road—it’s the smart one.